Marriage Counseling Richardson TX - Heather Carlile, MA, LPC

The Power of Naming
Naming the Four Parts of Your Sense of Self-Worth

The Gift and the Shadow of Learning Self-Esteem
The Story of How I Was Victimized and Mentored

SELF-ESTEEM: When children get a sense of being valued and competent,
they automatically develop self-esteem. Their parents or responsible adults
give them encouragement, support, guidance, teaching, coaching and
mentoring. They are also shown how to resolve conflicts without violence or
insults. They are enthusiastic about achievement and become the ‘Can-Do Kid.’

How did you learn about your competence and worthiness in childhood?

THE VICTIMIZED CHILD OR THE LITTLE TYRANT – How were you made to believe in your victimhood? How were you made to feel inadequate, hopeless, unworthy, incompetent, rejected, insulted, discouraged, guilty, ashamed and undeserving? Give that child a name.
For example: The Hopeless and Ashamed Little Girl, The Little Boy Who was Never Good Enough, The Rejected Child, The Incompetent Kid, The Boy Who Was Never Enough, The Girl Who Was Always Wrong, The Kid Who Didn’t Fit In, etc.

Name: ____________________________________________

THE CAN-DO KID, THE LITTLE PRINCE OR PRINCESS –Describe your sense of being valued and trusted, encouraged, competent, worthy, supported, guided, taught, coached, mentored, shown non-violent conflict resolution, etc. Give that child a name.

For example: Little Prince Charley, Daddy’s Little Princess, The Best Boy in the World, The Girl Who Could Fly, The Little Scientist, The Can-Do Kid, Nancy Drew, The Power Ranger, The Little Engine that Could, etc.

Name: __________________________________________

How False Fear Appears in My Life Today

The Gift and the Shadow of the Child Appear in the Adult
Interview the Adult - Make Friends with the Roles You Play Today

THE SHADOW OF THE VICTIM: When you find yourself getting frustrated, impatient, sorry for yourself, playing martyr, you are probably caught in feeling some of these: powerless, resourceless, exhausted, trapped, disrespected, hopeless, abused, misunderstood, betrayed, etc. This is how the Victimized Child appears in you when you grow up.

NAME YOUR VICTIM: Are you afraid to stand up for yourself? Do you avoid conflict even when it compromises your own good? Do you think you sometimes seek sympathy by looking helpless? Do you have a belief that suffering and sacrifice are virtuous? How do the patterns of your Sorry Victim or the Wounded Sovereign state now appear in your behaviors? Who brings out the victim in you? Where do you behave like a guilty victim or undeserving Incompetent?

THE SORRY VICTIM: THE WHEEDLING WHINER OR THE BLAMING BULLLY: When are you the Shadow of the Victimized child today? Write a description of how you become the same wounded child now in your adult life. Name that falsely-fearful part of you so you can separate from that pattern and see the irrelevance of those fears…those false fears. Name the Victim.

For example: The Whiner, The Narcissist, Puffed-Up Pete, Conceited Carrie, The Competitor Who Can’t Lose, What’s the Matter with Me Molly, I Don’t Deserve Dave, Not Good Enough Nelly, etc.

Name: __________________________________________

THE TEN CHARACTERISTICS OF SELF-ESTEEM ARE: Unique, Risk-Taking, Self-Nurturing, Playful, Energetic, Confident, Hardworking, Self-Accepting, Lovable, Resilient. Describe how you are empowered; the one who says, I can do it!

NAME YOUR SOVEREIGN – THE GIFT OF ADULT SELF-ESTEEM: Where do you behave with confidence and worthiness? Where and how do you take rulership of yourself and your domain? Name the part of you that will not compromise and who launches into life and action with zest and commitment!

THE SOVEREIGN – THE KING OR THE QUEEN: How have your Gifts matured? In Branden’s definition, when do you feel “competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness.” How are you assertive, resilient, decisive, respectful of yourself and others, the ruler of your domaine? Name your king or queen.

For example: Helen - Queen of the House, King John of Good, The Ruler of Herself, Johnny-On-the-Spot, The Terminator, Wonder Woman, The White Knight, Lassie, etc.

Name: _____________________________________________

NAMING THE STRENGTHS: When we name the qualities we have developed through the great teachers, we call forth our innate focus of health. As matured souls, our belief in danger or in the need for so much caution, control and urgency can vanish almost instantly. We can no longer be fooled! This ability to see the truth about ourselves and the world finalizes any inadequacies remaining from the past and frees us for security, happiness, self-esteem, integrity and success.

Please send me your new names and let me know how you are empowered.
Warmest wishes,
Heather

Heather Carlile, a certified LPC and LMFT Supervisor, whose private practice is in Richardson, TX, specializes in depth psychology and marriage counseling. Her unique transpersonal philosophy, which she uses to relieve anxiety, depression, guilt, anger and grief, integrates archetypes and the Enneagram. She created and co-facilitates Designer Marriage with her husband, Dr. Jack Waldenmaier in classes and on the radio.

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	UNREALISTIC FEARS: If we did not adequately receive the basic four needs that children have when we were young, we are naturally afraid and develop defense or coping behaviors to get through life. Now, as adults, most of the fears are unrealistic; they are only in our imagination.

Dallas Area Marriage Counseling / Relationships, Stress, Grief