I. Listening Aptitude
Ineffective communication is one of the most frequent causes of misunderstandings, emotional tensions, mistakes, jobs that need to be redone, lost sales and customers, squelched intimacy, reduced trust and uneasy relationships.

According to a survey in Management Review, executives and professionals spend an average of 94% of their time each day communicating. Robert Cooper reminds us how effective communication is more than just being articulate and "demands that we stretch ourselves to learn, and to actively come to understand what others feel and perceive, beneath the surface, beneath the words."

Answer the following:
1. When you listen, do you frequently think about the point, response, story or defense you want to state?
2. Do you interrupt others frequently so you can have your say?
3. Do you continue reading, writing, cleaning or otherwise avoid eye contact when you are listening?
4. Do you frequently feel impatient, antsy or bored when you are listening?
5. Do you usually want to rush the person you are listening to?
6. Do you frequently think you know what people are going to say and cut them off before they finish with comments like, "I know what you mean," "Yes, I know, but..." or "I've got the picture"?
7. Do you generally prefer to talk first and then listen?
8. Do you feel like listening is a waste of your time?
9. Do you usually notice or feel uncomfortable when you are not the center of attention?
10. Do people close to you frequently complain that you don't listen?
11. Do people frequently repeat themselves or talk louder and more emphatically in an attempt to get your attention?
12. Are you frequently preoccupied with your own thoughts and concerns so that you are not tuned-in to the world and people around you?
If you checked even one of the above questions, you have a listening problem that can interfere with your personal and professional relationships.

II. Expert Listening Abilities
1. RESPECT: Expert listeners assume that there may be value in everything that is said or communicated. In addition to mentally structuring what they hear, they sense the nonverbal messages and are sensitive to body language.
2. MEANING: Expert listeners listen with the intention to understand the message sender's meaning. They take care not to impose their own meaning. They don't look for short cuts; they are thorough, inquiring and patient.
3. SUMMARIZE: Expert listeners frequently summarize what they are hearing to test how well they are listening. They use words like, So what you're telling me is... , What I'm understanding is... , What I hear you saying is... Expert listeners acknowledge that the message-sender is the expert on whether or not s/he has been heard and understood. They may remind themselves that ideas may be waiting 'between the lines.'
4. FOCUS: Expert listeners don't divide their attention between listening and doing something else. They understand that to do something well, they have to give it their undivided attention.
5. EYE CONTACT: Expert listeners make eye contact when they listen and stay aware in the present. They are also sensitive to the courtesy and respectful behavior in paying attention.
6. FIRST UNDERSTAND: Expert listeners seek to understand first before being understood. As long as the listener's attention is focused on being understood, the information being provided can be lost. Good communicators have the competence to make time for being heard later. They also expand their understanding by gathering information through skillful use of questions and statements.
7. EMOTIONAL CONTROL: Expert listeners work especially hard to listen when they don't like what they are hearing. When someone is angry, critical or complaining, especially when the complaint is about you and your behavior, you may have a natural tendency to become defensive and stop listening. Yet thoughtful listening at this point will not only diffuse tense situations, it will help create greater understanding and will facilitate the return of good feelings.
8. ACCEPT DISAGREEMENT: Expert listeners understand that their reality and their perceptions are not the only truth. They know that other points of view and different perspectives may be unsettling. They also have the wisdom to know that disparate views can be enriching and can open the doors to new and useful awareness.
9. ATTENTION: Expert listeners know that their associates and loved ones need their attention and listen patiently and attentively to show their respect. Sometimes the people closest to them receive the least, not because of any devaluation but because of fatigue or pressures. But successful communicators know their personal and professional partners need to be heard, respected and understood.
10. BODY LANGUAGE: Expert listeners notice when words don't match facial expression or body language. They understand this is a sign of defensiveness, fear or mistrust. They work to make the speaker comfortable by being open, honest, accepting and affirmative.